Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
