If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
