no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
