But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
