lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
