I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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