your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
