so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
