What a fucking waste of an outfit
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
