we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My orgasm happened in two different decades
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
