The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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