Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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