planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
