Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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