The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
