i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
