so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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