I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
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