you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
