She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
