Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize