He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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