He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
