i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
