I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize