My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I smell like Dick and happiness
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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