foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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