you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So many bounce houses so little time
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
