Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
