There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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