forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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