My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize