Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want nice things and good sex
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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