My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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