Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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