sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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