You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize