So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
