i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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