The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
