WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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