i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
