My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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