honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize