If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
