Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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