I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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