She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
