This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
