I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
