The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
