consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
