I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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