but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
