I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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