Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
