Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
