Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This house was built for laser tag.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
