Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
