So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize