..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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