I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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