Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
