Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize