I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
