summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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