Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
