I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize