You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
