i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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