Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
