I want you more than these girls want KFC
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
