my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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