Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
