i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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