She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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