Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
