I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
