Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
