just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
