tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
