in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
