Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
