i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
