somebody snuck up and got me drunk
kristin has been a bad kristin
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize