On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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