i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think my fart just growled at me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
