Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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